Thank the Maker!

April 10, 2025

In a "stunning" turn of events, and just in the nick of time, our benevolent king and ruler Donald Trump put another 90-day pause on tariffs. Time was running short, as Elon Musk, Jeff Bezos and Mark Zuckerberg were minutes away from cancelling their orders for their state of the art personal cruise ships...all ordered the day Trump was mindbogglingly reelected president of the United States.

Luckily, at the inauguration ceremonies earlier this year, most of the members of the "inner-circle" were each given a Drogan's Decoder Ring that Trump had secured from several boxes of Crackerjacks that were served at the celebration dinner.

"Every time the stock market is about to crash, turn your dials to 6 and I'll send a coded message letting you know when to buy and sell," said Trump in confidence. "Those pinko commie Dems will never see it coming."

Meanwhile, while most American's retirement funds were nearly wiped out, it sure was reassuring to have several highly recognized billionaires run the talk show circuit telling all us lonely plebs that everything is going to be just fine. Afterall, in 10 or 20 years, all these businesses that fled over seas will triumphantly return and make the U.S.A a powerhouse again. You can hold out that long, can't you? Just have a garage sale or two, sell your extra Rembrandt's collecting dust in the guest house. Eat some Campbells soup for all your meals...it's cheap!

Quit your fucking complaining and kiss the ring. Who knows, maybe you can serve drinks on one of Bezos' cruise ships! Hand out bags of peanuts on a Musk space flight. Or failing that, at least drive Zuckerberg's Bentley! The possibilities are endless!

It's a hell of a day at sea sir!